Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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