You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
