You work out of a Hotel?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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