If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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