So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
