my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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