are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
