please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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