just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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