I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize