If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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