Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
