Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
