from now on my penis is your penis
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
