I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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