Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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