my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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