I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
