Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
