Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
