I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
