saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Randomize
