If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
