Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
