I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
