Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
