New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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