btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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