Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize