is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
