maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
