I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
