She went from zero to smokin in five shots
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
