I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
