Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize