Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
