Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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