i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
