bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
