Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
