I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
