Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize