how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
do herpes really smell.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
