he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
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