my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
what the fuck happened to the tacos
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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