i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Randomize
