I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
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