i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
