you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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