Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
