Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
this beer tastes like vomit already
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
