what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
