Where did you get a picture of my penis
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
