apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
