he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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