She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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