She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
