seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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