dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize
