If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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