Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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