i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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