i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
