I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
