She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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