Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
